i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
