yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize