Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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