I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
