just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
