i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
