Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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