I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
