So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
