This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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