Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
