got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
