When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
