I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
