So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You don't make any sense
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