I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
