Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My cat gives me a boner
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
