he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
