Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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