fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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