I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
