ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
