i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
