I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
