the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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