I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's shark week go big or go home
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
