...so i touched it.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
