she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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