Umm I'm too high to move.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
