So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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