sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
