I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
