it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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