I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
