i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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