tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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