Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
