I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
