conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
