wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
