don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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