I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
