I CAN MOONWALK!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize