but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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