Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
