it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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