Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
