Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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