I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize