my sisters under your porch take her home
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
