When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
