Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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