I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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