This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
