that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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