He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
