My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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