Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
