During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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