Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
