A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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