she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
