That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
