i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
