YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
